Yesterday was a hard day

so yesterday my Hypersomnia hit me hard, i dreaded driving anywhere and just could not get myself motivated to do anything i was so tired and i almost broke down and i cried a couple times. In the 6 years i have been diagnosed with this i never looked in to a support group, why i have no clue. so i did some research last night and realized there is not one here in missouri but there are ones in other states so i might just join their message boards just so i can be somewhere were someone understands what I'm going though.  I hate my insurance, there was one medicine that worked great, i had little side effects and it lasted almost all day but other the years iv had to switch meds for either cost reasons or not having insurance at the time and when i got the insurance i have now i tried to get back on it and they were like well we don't offer that but take this instead and it so happen to be some meds that gave me horrible head aches and made me sick so my doctor wrote them a letter stating i have fred everything under the sun and that i really need this medicine to function and they still turned me down, they said they care about the health and well being of their clients but they just can not approve this medicine and that just really upsets me, how can they deny someone something they need to function everyday and feel like they have some what of a normal life? so i went back on a medicine that i knew did not make me sick but it really does not do much for me and i hate it.  i really just want to feel normal for one day and on this medicine i do not, as i sit here and type this i am fighting to not close my eyes and fall asleep.  coffee does not work and i can drink a whole case of monster energy drinks and it will not do a damn thing and i hate it. i hate feeling tired 24 hours a day, i hate not feeling like i can't do anything because I'm tired, i just hate everything about this and i keep hoping i will wake up one day and everything will be different but i know it won't be. i feel bad for my kids because as hard as i try i do not have the energy it takes to keep up with them and play.  It is really hard to read my daughter books before bed and i feel horrible because she does not understand.  well i will stop complaining for now.. i hope very one has a great day!

Where has the time gone!

I know when you have kids time goes by fast but man it goes by even faster when you have more then one!  My son is officially on the move! he went from doing his own this like sliding backwards on his tummy and sitting up to stretch out to reach for stuff to a full blown crawler and he now also holds on to the sofa and will pretty much cruise around from one pice of furniture to the next! i know every baby works at their own pace and to be honest i never thought this day would come because he did find he own unique way to move around and it made him happy so it made me happy! i figured he was just going to skip crawling and go right to walking and i still think walking is around the corner with how he moves when he holds on to things.  my oldest did not crawl much either, she rolled everywhere, it was amazing to see how quickly she would roll to get places.  To top off the "milestone" marks he has two, yes i said TWO teeth coming in! i feel like we have been teething for ever and his doctor even joked that she promised he would have teeth by kindergarden.  but with these two teeth he has also been more clingy i guess from the pain, which don't get me wrong i love that he is a mama's boy but it has been hard this week.  He typically has no issues with his dad (if i am home and in his sight and is ok sometimes when i leave..., remember when i said if you look up mama's boy his picture would be there?) One night when my husband came home i was making dinner so i asked him if he could feed Jackson and when he went to go do so Jackson just started screaming, i figured he wanted something other then pureed food so i told DH to go get him a cracker see if that helps until i get some veggis steamed for him, well he threw that on the ground so i thought maybe he needs his diaper changed so when DH went to go do that Jackson was screaming bloody murder the whole time so i go back there to help calm him down, my husband hands him to me and he stops like nothing happened, i try to hand him back to finish dinner and he holds on to me for dear life and will not go to my husband ( and i feel so bad for DH at this point) so at that point my husband finish dinner but Jackson is so afraid i will leave he wont even sit in his high chair to eat and i have to feed him on my lap...so we move to the next day... i go to lay him down for a nap and i actually had to keep my hand on him to fall asleep ( i use to have to do this when he was a new born) because the minute i would leave the room he would stand and start crying and do things to end up hurting him self and before i go any further i will say i am for CIO, it will not hurt a baby to cry and learn to self sooth but he was so worked up and he is new to this standing thing that he would start jumping as he was crying then fall back and hit his head or something else hard on his crib and i just could not let him keep that up, i'm for CIO but not when he is going to actually hurt him self because he is so upset.  well it is nap time for him and i have so much to clean up in the kitchen so good bye for now!

What is this sleep people speak of?

Now before i start i will tell you i do have some medical issues involving sleeping but i will go in to that some other time.  So my 9 month old has always had a hard time sleeping, i have not had a full night sleep  since my last couple months of my pregnancy.  He started out as a normal up every 3 hours to eat, then we were up a couple times a night, and then about  EVERY hour to two hours.  Around 6 months he was officially diagnosed with reflux and was put on meds (we waited that long to see if he would grow out of it and did not) then we had to work on getting him in to a "normal" routine and it has been hard because i think by that point he was use to being up all night.  So now here we are 9 months old and yes he has had some great nights but when he is sleeping good my 6 year old gets up for some reason or another, so if it is not him it is her and i officially think i'm a sleep deprived zombie. It does not help that i am already always tired due to a medical issue and i can not explain it but losing as much sleep as i do it makes me feel even worse and deep down i know getting a full nights sleep will not make one bit of difference in how i feel which kind of sucks but it feels like my meds do not help when i don't get sleep at night.  My sofa has become my best friend most nights, it was the only way i could sleep when i was at the end of my pregnancy (my mattress is hard as a rock and hurt to much) and now since i am up so much i do not want to wake my husband who does have to go to work in the morning even though his insist it does not bother him when i get up as much as i do with the kids, but if he cant work because he did not get any sleep then i feel bad so i just sleep out there any ways when i know its going to be a long night.  Then you get people who say " well why don't you sleep when he sleeps during the day?" well as hard as it is for me to not sleep if i do NOTHING will get done, it is the only time i can actually get thing sone around the house when he takes a nap, believe it or not us stay at home moms don't just sit and watch tv all day and do nothing.  Well that is all for now. I made some bakes kale chips that i am going to snack on before i go lay down.  Have a great night!

Hello!

I always told my self i would never blog but some people think it would be good for me so here we go. Today so far has been a great day and its only 11:54! did not have to many issues getting my daughter ready for school, we either have a great morning getting ready or a crazy me running around like a mad woman, my son crying because i'm not giving all my attention to him and its 5 minutes before the bus is here and my daughter is not even dressed and i start to yell "i will take you to school in what ever it is you have on if you don't get going!" So with a little help from me getting her dressed (because she started off a little slow) we made it out the door at a good time and everyone was happy. Then i went to the store to get stuff for dinner so my family would not starve because we had nothing to eat and my son flirted with all the women that walked by and smiled at him, he loves the attention. Now we fast forward to lunch time were he is next to me eating steamed chunks of squash, steamed peas and bite size pieces of grapes. I make my baby food and try as much as i can to not buy it but it has had to be done when we are going out for the whole day, its just easier that way. The boy loves his food and will eat anything you put in front of him, he does not let him having no teeth get in the way of that.  After lunch i plan on actually doing some major baby proofing, not that i have not, i put up a lot a long time ago and we have had a gate up for a while and the electrical outlets covered and stuff like that but he was not much of a mover until recently, he has pretty much just been happy doing his thing and not to concerned about whats going on around him but recently he has found his own way to get around the living room with out crawling and rolling, he HATES rolling( i have been lucky so far that he does not care about the rest of the house) he kind of slides on his belly backwards and sits up and stretches to grab stuff, but last night he actually crawled forward! so today i am just double checking everything, making sure my daughters smaller things are up and in her room and that kind of thing.. she has always been good about keeping her small things away from his reach but it wont be long until he knows there is more to the house then the living room and if its one thing i have learned after having my daughter is if a baby wants something he will find a way to get it no matter what! well i guess i will go for now...i do not want to turn this first post in to a book. until next time!